Lies from the Tablecloth
by TheMistressMoon
Summary: A party at Hogsmeade, Draco into drag, and Voldemort dancing a warped version of the tango with Dumbledore!
1. Hogwarts Karaoke

Lies from the Tablecloth

Summary: A party at Hogsmeade, Draco into drag, and Voldemort dancing a warped version of the tango with Dumbledore!

Warnings: Slash and Het, Slight drug use and Underage drinking, and Voldemort being nice

"FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Draco screamed, running around in a circle, full head aflame, flailing his arms wildly. "GET IT OFF ME, GET IT OFF MEEEE!" He began to beat repeatedly at his head, and finally resorted to dunking his head into a flask of pumpkin juice at the Gryffindor table.

"...Is it gone?"

"Yes, Malfoy, it's gone. Now that you've ruined our beverages," Harry muttered under his breath.

"Oh, stop complaining, Potter!" Draco sneered. "Or else find something WORTHY of complaining about." Suddenly, he caught a glimpse of himself in the nearby window and gave a sudden gasp. "My...my hair!" he whimpered. "MY HAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIRRRRR! IT'S RUINED!" With that he burst into tears and ran screaming out of the Great Hall.

"So much for finding something worthy to complain about." Harry muttered. He turned to Hermione to whisper something into her ear, but at that moment, Dumbledore stood up, and raised his arms for silence.

When the room became silent, he smiled at them all with that damned twinkle in his eye. "Since we have had prescious little to celebrate about since the return of Voldemort..." What followed the name of the Dark Lord was a comical sound of everybody gasping in horror at once, "...we will be holding a Halloween party in Hogsmeade that everybody can attend."

Applause rang throughout the room. Young Mr. Draco Malfoy chose that precise moment to return.

"Aww! You still love me, even if my PERFECT hair IS ever so SLIGHTLY singed..."

At that comment, the whole Great Hall burst into laughter at the sight of Malfoy...nearly completely bald.

"SLIGHTLY singed huh Malfoy?" Ron called out, and snickered.

Draco harumphed and strutted over to the Slytherin table.

"Since young Master Malfoy was so kind as to rejoin us in our festivities, I suppose it would be kind if someone would please pass on the message to him." Dumbledore said, eyes still a'twinkling.

Everyone returned to their conversations as the Slytherins relayed the message to Malfoy and Hermione leaned into Harry.

"So what were you going to say before Dumbledore interrupted us?" She asked, and sounded as though it were a crime for Dumbledore to interrupt their conversation.

"Huh? Oh, I was just going to say that Malfoy makes one hot drunk." He smiled goofily.

Hermione's face was suddenly overcome with shock. "...Harry...You're drunk too!"

"I'm not drunk!" exclaimed Harry. "I just..." His voice was very slurred as he muttered, "I just had a little sip of whirefisky."

Hermione scoffed. "You'd better not be this drunk at the Halloween party. Malfoy's probably going to be drunk enough for the both of you..."

Harry giggled and attempted to give Hermione a high five, but fell over the back of the bench. And don't ask me how he accomplished it either.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Not drunk my arse."

Harry giggled again.

Ron turned to Harry and slurred. "You sound like a bloody girl there mate."

"So! What, are you sexist now?" Harry asked, near tears.

"No, mate, I just--" Ron tried to explain, but Harry cut him off.

"SO WHAT IF I WANT TO SHOW MY FEMININE SIDE! WHAT THEN? WHAT, ARE YOU JUST TRYING TO GET INTO MY PANTS!"

Ron stared at Harry for a minute and then turned back around to face the tabletop and muttered under his breath. "Well that would be nice."

"Yeah that's right!" Shouted Harry, not having heard Ron's comment. "You just walk away! Walk away!" With that he glared, got back to his seat, and attempted to pour pumkin juice (which Malfoy had dunked his head in) into his spaghetti. Shoving a huge spoonful (yes, spoonful) of spaghetti into his mouth, he muttered, "Hmm...this certainly is an interesting sauce...I must get the recipe. And...what kind of spices are these?"

Hermione rolled her eyes helplessly. "Those are ashes, Harry."

"Ohh, simply splendid!" Harry said.

Ron was going to make some snide comment, when suddenly the lights dimmed, and upbeat rap music began to play quietly. Strobe lights appeared out of thin air, mutilating all images, and smoke began to drift through the air from and invisible smoke machine.

"Oohhh.." Harry cooed, eyes widening, "Pretty lights!"

Everyone ignored him, and turned towards the Slythering table that had turned into a stage of some sort. Malfoy got up onto the table (turned stage) and suddenly a microphone appeared in his hand.

"I would like to dedicate this to a very special man in my life." He said in his velvety voice, and winked at Harry. Harry squeals and begins to hyperventilate, fanning himself with his hands, and eventually, he faints.

A sudden flare of snares awoke Harry, and Draco turned to look seductively into his eyes as he began:

Can you keep up?

Baby boy, make me lose my breath

Bring the noise, make me lose my breath

Hit me harder, make me lose my--

Draco cut off, allowing just enough time for Crabbe and Goyle to pant before resuming:

I put it right there made it easy for you to get to

Now you wanna act like you don't know what to do

After I done everything that you asked me

Grabbed you...

Draco began to sway his hips along with the music and sauntered down the steps of the stage, and started to make his way towards the Gryffindor table.

Grind you, liked you, tried you

Moved so fast baby now I can't find you

Harry nearly fainted again as Draco stalked up to him and ran his hand seductively down his cheek.

Ooh

I'm startin' to believe that I'm way too much for you  
All that talk but it seems like it can't come through

Malfoy shook his arse on his way back to the Slytherin table, nearly causing Harry to drool.

All them lies like you could satisfy me

Now I see where believing you got me

Gave you the wheel but you can't drive me

At last, Draco winked at Harry and tossed him the mic as he resumed his seat at his own table, which, magically, had turned back into a table. The strobe lights and smoke and all the other pretty things flashed over to the now-stage Gryffindor table, and Harry, out of instinct, returned to Malfoy:

Can you keep up?

Baby boy, make me lose my breath

Bring the noise, make me lose my breath

Hit me harder, make me lose my--

Hermione's turn to pant. Ron gave her a disgusted look, that clearly said, "Why the hell would you participate?" Hermione merely shrugged and let Harry continue:

Ooh

Two things I don't like when I'm tryin' to get my groove

Is a partna that meets me only halfway and just can't prove

Take me out so deep when you know you can't swim

Need a lifeguard and I need protection

So put it on me deep in the right direction

Harry strutted his way over to the Slytherin table, moving his body in seductive ways all along, and climbed up onto the table right in front of Draco, swaying his hips im a 'come hither' manner

You understand the facts that I'm trying to give to you

You movin' so slow like you just don't have a clue

Didn't mama teach you how to give affection

You're the difference of a man and an adolescent

It ain't you boo, so get tha steppin'

Draco stared at Harry in a wolfish manner, and climbed up onto the table with Harry, a mic now in his own hand.

Can you keep up

Baby boy, make me lose my breath

Bring the noise, make me lose my breath

Hit me harder, make me lose my--

Crabbe, Goyle, and Hermione panted. Draco smirked at Harry, and placed a hand on his hip, bringing their bodies closer.

If you can't make me say--

"OOO" The students called out.

Like the beat of this groove

Why you ask for some and you really want none

If you can't make me say--

"OOO" The teachers called out this time.

You don't have no business in this

Here's your papers baby you are dismissed

Everyone in the Great Hall sang the chorus again for the last time, everyong, that is, except for Draco and Harry, for Draco had pulled Harry into a soul searing kiss.

Unhinged: Well that was fun.

Blondie: Haha, it was.

Okay...now...we require reviews for us to continue. So if you don't review...glares at you No more chapter.


	2. Apologies

Dear Readers,

Our most sincere apologies…I know we haven't updated in AGES, but with me getting grounded every other day and my co-writer never being able to come over, and then when its neither of those, then its just neither of us being inspired…ugh…it's bad. We do have a pretty good start to Ch.2, and unless it gets cut short then it should be a long one to make up for the lack of updating. Thank you SO much for your patience and understanding. We love you. Really.

dodges tomatoes

…And clearly you love us too…

Oh, and for those of you that are a bit antsy about the things promised in the description (the whole tango and such), it should be coming in this next chapter. I know it seems like we just decided to post a chapter and leave it at that but I promise it will get better.

And just so you know, the title of this story is completely random. We had that line of BYOB stuck in our heads for about two hours while discussing random Harry Potter concepts and so when we were writing this and thinking of a title we figured, what the hell. Just so you know. So whoever it was that asked what this story had to do with System of a Down, the answer is quite plainly, absolutely nothing.

We may try to avoid random outbursts of song and dance after this chapter, we may not. We have no plotline planned for this. I hope that just from the first chapter and description alone, that would be painfully obvious.

Now, I must be leaving you. Throw whatever remaining vegetables you may (or are tomatoes a fruit?) and be done with it.

dodges vegetables AND fruits, as well as someone's left sneaker

…I don't think that qualifies as…oh, nevermind. Love to all.


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